For The Love of it All


For the love of it all, remember yourself.


Let's pull up a post from the archives, and rehash an old subject. Yeah, everyone writes about the subject from some angle or another. Yet we all need the reminder, because life sometimes gets muddled and complicated. 

Let's chat about love and acceptance.

Is love, acceptance? Is acceptance, love? How do the terms love and acceptance co-exist in the realm of our social needs?

Firstly, most people are aware of the fact that hormones play a substantial role in love and bonding. Our biology is an inescapable fact, and from an observational standpoint, one might argue that when two people initially feel drawn to each other, it indeed looks like the beginning steps of an intricate and biologically primitive dance. But we are neither only nature, nor only nurture. We are an intertwined whole, and we are social beings. Our biology does not make the story any less romantic or less beautiful, and our sociability is not a problem in itself. 

Secondly, aside from initial infatuation and attraction, we wish to be accepted for who we are as individuals. It is in mutual acceptance that we experience the deepest bonding of *belonging*. It underlies the most powerful motivation (other than physical attraction) to work for the highest good of a developing relationship. This is a vital piece of the puzzle, and I would go as far as to postulate that it is also a necessary premise for the chemistry/attraction to continue in a long-term relationship.

I'm certain that if you take a look back at your own personal history, you will find numerous examples in which you adapted or did what you had to do to 'fit in' somewhere, or with someone. So many times people feel as though they have compromised themselves beyond a point that 'feels right'. Well, in the desire to experience love, too many attempt to be someone they are not. 

This does not mean that we are incapable of changing habit or developing in the spirit of maturation and compromise toward win/win results. But, the point is that people often dismiss who they are in order to experience love, when the acceptance of who they are should be an existing premise before further exploring a potential relationship. That's the minor inch-shift in mentality.

The bottom line is that people cannot expect or wait for others to give them this acceptance. You are who you are at any given point in time in your development. It is something you must be, and caretake. Love cannot sustain in a relationship of non-acceptance. Who you are is not based upon what you do, how much you have, or any other external measure. Those things are simply what you do, and what you have.

The continuous reminder is to remain centered in *who you are* and stay focused on development and happiness, and the right people will enter your life at the right time. As this becomes the focal point, like-minded individuals will be attracted. Furthermore, they will more times than not be accepting and respectful people. As they accept and respect themselves, they will tend to honor that in others. 

Is the experience of intimate belonging based on mutual acceptance, love? Doesn't look too shabby for the longterm haul, does it?

So comes the timeless question,

*Who are you?*

"There is an underlying need to belong in our search for a partner. Underlying this aspect of belonging is the need for acceptance. It all boils down to that we want a partner that will accept us for who we really are".
(Tamera Daun. Cosmopolitan, Norway)

Stay safe and warm wishes,
Tamera Daun

No comments:

Post a Comment